Closing life's doors

Growing older is an interesting phase in life. I think I have approached it earlier than many because I had a moderate to severe stroke when I was 54. I was told at that time that in fact my body had now aged 10 years so I needed to be aware that I function 10 years older than my present age, whatever that is at any time.

So how should I approach this aging process? I think with calm acceptance of what I can and cannot do while still trying to push the boundaries within a healthy range.

It has dawned on me recently that from time to time I close a door that I will not choose to open again.

Since the stroke I have been to Asia 3 times, spending 12 weeks in various places. I have had the opportunity recently to return for a month but everything within me said ‘No’, I have quietly closed that door never to open it again. It feels strange to realise that all of life’s opportunities are not now available to me; it is not death I feel but a kind of small inner grief.

I am preparing for a duathalon with the lovely ladies in our family. We are to walk, bike and walk. I recon I can do this now, as we practice to get prepared for the big day. I am excited at the prospect of working on this together when the big day comes, what fun it is going to be.

But when it is over I will probably close another door. Bike riding on a regular basis is not for me.

I biked 7 miles to school and then home again when I was 11 & 12 years old. I could bike for miles ‘no hands.’ Biking was a breeze and now I think about closing that door! I never saw that coming.

An inner quietness overtakes me, a conviction that this is how it has to be, I recognise and accept life’s changes. But does anything replace these activities and this excitement??

Yes, I have wonderful memories and many life experiences that I am passing on to others and the fulfilment that comes with that delights me as I see future generations benefiting. Me and God, we can handle this growing old thing together because He is ageless and I am satisfied.

I am smiling and my heart is at peace, as I look age in the face, doors do close but ah, the joy, of walking through the others that open! I am ok J