Kenneth Ian Knox 31.12 1940 ~ 22.6 2008
I feel so restless today.
It is hard to settle to my work so I must write instead.
I have 2 brothers; they are 4 & 5 years older than me.
Yesterday the younger one died.
As children he and I were close. He was sickly (TB), unattractive, quiet, Mum was tough on him; how often I have hidden and cried as he was beaten; if she had seen me crying in sympathy I might have got it too. Our eldest brother outshone Ian in everything it seemed.
He was a shepherd at The Grampians Station; I was a nurse at Christchurch Hospital. He came to Christchurch and we went to the Johnny Devlin show together it was a great night out!
Ian was in line for selection for the Olympics in Japan but his horse, Avapeak, (from Avalanche and Mitre Peak) became lame.
Ian never married; he was alone.
I joined a cult and cut family ties. They were never properly resumed with Ian, his choice, though I worked at it. He never met any of my children, though he had opportunity to, and never responded to any of my gifts, photos or letters.
I thought one day God would make it right but for some of our choices there is a price to pay. Today I am paying that price.
Ian died yesterday ~ and the sense of loss is far greater than I would have realised.
Goodbye Ian. Please God may he rest in peace.
It is hard to settle to my work so I must write instead.
I have 2 brothers; they are 4 & 5 years older than me.
Yesterday the younger one died.
As children he and I were close. He was sickly (TB), unattractive, quiet, Mum was tough on him; how often I have hidden and cried as he was beaten; if she had seen me crying in sympathy I might have got it too. Our eldest brother outshone Ian in everything it seemed.
He was a shepherd at The Grampians Station; I was a nurse at Christchurch Hospital. He came to Christchurch and we went to the Johnny Devlin show together it was a great night out!
Ian was in line for selection for the Olympics in Japan but his horse, Avapeak, (from Avalanche and Mitre Peak) became lame.
Ian never married; he was alone.
I joined a cult and cut family ties. They were never properly resumed with Ian, his choice, though I worked at it. He never met any of my children, though he had opportunity to, and never responded to any of my gifts, photos or letters.
I thought one day God would make it right but for some of our choices there is a price to pay. Today I am paying that price.
Ian died yesterday ~ and the sense of loss is far greater than I would have realised.
Goodbye Ian. Please God may he rest in peace.
posted by ElizabethB | 10:54 AM
4 Comments:
Hi Mum,
Thinking of you at this time, its so sad that Ian never knew what a wonderful woman his sister turned out to be.
I remember him, though never met. The one with the horses. Always sounded interesting to me. Sorry, Mindswept
Hi Lillibet
My heart goes out to you. I know you tried to make things right between you. It can be so painful having to sit with and tolerate lack of resolution. What a wonderful comment Jeremy posted - "Its so sad that Ian never knew what a wonderful woman his sister turned out to be" I take comfort in knowing we are all works in progress.
I love you.
Couzie Bros
Thanks for sharing this. I imagine you are feeling rather drained today after yesterday's travel and funeral. I am thinking of my own brother and his death and funeral. Uncertainties and yet some hope in that case. It is 9 years since then. God bless you today and bring comfort. Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right? Much love, Maureen
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